turning point

turning point

I took some time to edit the photos on this post, but it takes me longer to write everything. I had just turned 24 this week and my thoughts is jumbled up on what to write. i had my Mac playing Alt-J and Sigur Ros while i flip over my moleskine to look at my etched handwriting and my doodles. I write on it whenever i see or feel something striking.

self made top and skirt - available in my "Styleforntier" carousel shop.
DKNY watch
Fendi shoes

I started to see a pattern, I see my sketchbook as if i see a roll of film that tells episode
When i heard my parents arguing over things, i ran up to my room reading old magazines while hoping they stop,
When i curled under my blanket, too lazy to finish my to be submitted journal,
When i cried for days of heartbreak, thinking the world must be stopped rotating,
When i miss someone and all the songs played along was just to remind me of him,
When i start spending money to make my hair looks glossy,
When i see my dad for the last time, which i did not know that silence could be so loud.

Today i took a day off from the office. i have been feeling demotivated because of salary adjustment happening in my company, besides i have been down with flu. I am very passionate with my work, i just don't need any emotional or some kind of new organisational things that bug me to be productive.
As what i always do, I go run whenever i feel like this, with earphones blasting my grief to the sidewalk, to the trees.

I am glad two weeks ago I took the flight, to go back to Singapore. The place where i stayed as if forever, to see where i have left, and what is left to remind myself to go on. I took one day wandering alone just again to doodle on my moleskin, and meet more people afterwards. It is nice to see old faces, those who have been there with all my hormonal acne and rant. Those busy people who said "hey. you haven't changed." and simply ask you out for lunch an hour or two. 90% of my friends (college mates, ex colleague, blog friends) are older than me, thus they have been showering me with life advices, tips on how to get your commerce going better, relationship talks, and how life is changing when you are 27 or so.

When i came back to Jakarta, i felt so much better. I am neither running away from love or constantly looking for it. just by knowing that you are comfortable being alone, you will know whether you love someone based on real love or loneliness. I am seeing a guy at the moment, but I am not sure yet where is it going because it is too early. I am the cool and chill type for this matter, so i'll just take things slow. But i learn not to listen to other people's opinion (could be the ex or the other people) I know i can't make everybody happy. I don't want to have a boyfriend just to be exhibited or whatsoever. I want to purely love and i will not give up on him easily.

My dad always said, even though i am a woman, i must not cling to a guy. In a sense i have to be independent, having my own saving, and learning different things as much as possible. "You have to be strong, in order to support your significant others in the future."

I had a simple homemade dinner with my mom and brothers. My dad's seat is empty and my maid is pushing it away. I choked and nearly broke down. But i know i must not. I am a hokkian woman, my parents don't teach me to be a loser. With all things that happened to me last year, i think i have died several times, I also thought that i have no feeling anymore. After the trip, indeed i feel so new. I don't hold grudges, i learn to make peace with my past, and to overcome my fear. I have been loving my mom and brother more each day, and starting to fulfil her needs or just simply asking how can i make her feel better. I realise, only by doing so, i will be able to embrace my future. I may seem  cold, careless, and reckless, but when it comes to the welfare of the people i love, my decision is always, always.. rock solid.

ps: yes i have just cut and recolored my hair
thank you for all the birthday greetings! i feel so fulfilled this year (:

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  1. Hola, I'm a new blogger and I happened stumbled upon your blog and I totally love your posts! Your style is classic yet elegant if you ask me, and it has the perfect touch of simplicity and feminine :)

    Keep in touch with me if you like, I would love to ^v^
    Shopaholic Next Door

  2. aww it is always a difficult time when you lose a family member. I lost my dad two years ago and it was not easy. I just lost my grandmother too. I hope you feel better with time, just take it easy!

  3. wow i love this look
    this classy style suits you perfectly <3
    the heels are my favorite items <3

    hope you too visit my Blog <3

  4. That skirt is absolutely beautiful! I am loving the cut! It's sexy, but still very classy and chic.

    Connie | Sponsored by Coffee | Bloglovin’

  5. You look so chic, I love that skirt

  6. Love that skirt! So sexy! <3 - www.domesticgeekgirl.com

  7. Love that skirt! So sexy! <3 - www.domesticgeekgirl.com

  8. Aw, stay strong, girl. You've made it this far in life, and anything can be overcome at this point with the right mindset, morale and support. Sending you lots of love, fhenny. <3

    May x • The MaydenBloglovin'

  9. wow, you're so talented to have made your whole outfit, it's lovely! Great post, glad you're staying strong!


  10. Lovely outfit. xx

  11. Happy belated Birthday! Love this post and your look.

    Jasmine x
    For a Real Woman

  12. Your outfit is amazing! I love your elegant style. Also this is such an open and honest post, I hope you start to feel better soon, even though it's tough.

    - www.veebzboo.com

  13. Really beautiful outfit. So elegant :)

    Daniel Wellington giveaway - www.mykindofjoy.com

  14. Wow, beautiful outfit, you look absolutely gorgeous. :)


  15. So elegant your outfit, you look wonderful!
    xx from Germany/Bavaria, Rena

  16. The top and the heels look great!


  17. Lovely <3

    x Stefanie

  18. This comment has been removed by the author.

  19. i just typed a gigantic comment and it went away. wah! i will try and recreate it.

    you are young and beautiful and smart. i know you are going through a difficult time, and my heart goes out to you.

    you are smart to be independent, and wise to know that you cannot please everyone. i love being independent, but it is also good to accept help from others when you need it.

    long, long ago i went through a terrible time. for some reason i decided not to talk, write or cry about it. i just kept it all in and soldiered through the terrible time. it was awful. many years later i decided it was ok to cry if i needed to. since then i have cried a lot. lol. sometimes it helps. i feel like pain and/or unhappiness can build up inside us, and we must find a way to release them. so now i cry whenever i want to (well, almost), and i think it helps.

    i am much older than you and i am still learning and still trying to figure out much of life. it is a wild ride, and i like to think/hope that the good outweighs the bad (hopefully by a LOT).

    hugs to you, and i hope you are doing ok.

  20. This thing kinda popped into my mind : this part of your life might be a sad chapter, but you gotta keep believing that your whole life is not a bad story. It's gonna be a good and inspiring one. The one that will make the reader admire the main character (which is you, obviously) because of how strong you are and how you don't let anything drag you down.

    My prayer is with you girl. I wish you all the best

  21. Beautiful photos and an even more wonderful story. You will be okay, I promise. I lost my dad when I was seven years old and I am okay now, so is my mom & my sister. You learn to give it a place and you seem to be a super strong lady so keep on smiling.

    XO Naomi in Wonderland

  22. This was an awesome read!! Great idea for an article <3


  23. I enjoyed your blog!

    Please check out mine too http://misstingchen.blogspot.com.au :)

  24. Nice outfit dear!!


  25. I can't believe you made that! I Love that pretty top and it looks perfect with the skirt!

  26. I lost my dad two years ago so I completely understand. It's always difficult, but their memories will get you through. On the bright side, I am so loving this outfit. And you are definitely wearing those heels with this look girl.

    Kia / The House of KTS

  27. You look very elegant in this all-black outfit! Particularly love the slit in the skirt, so sophisticated. I admired your love for your family and wish you all the best through the challenges you are going through, thanks for sharing!


  28. Wow, such a gorgeous look and can;t believe you made it. So perfect!! We really adore the love you have for your family and wishing you all the best and all the love!!!

    xx 365Hangers

  29. Love this all black look! You look gorgeous!



  30. Simply gorgeous! ♥♥♥


  31. It is when you are alone that you discover things. It is when you are alone that you realise things. Spending time on your own doesn't mean you are unsociable. It simply means you know what you want and you don't care whether you have someone to accompany you to your goals. I am glad you are in a much better state now. :)

    The Pink Lemonade Girl

  32. Your words are beautiful. "silence could be so loud" I couldn't agree more.

  33. Your photographs are so lovely! x

  34. I loved this post! It really resonated with me. That outfit is on point, though <3


  35. So sexy!! Love this look! <3 - www.domesticgeekgirl.com

  36. So sexy!! Love this look! <3 - www.domesticgeekgirl.com

  37. such a lovely post and look that you made,
    also love the shooting location in combination with the outfit,
    lot of greetings,

  38. You look gorgeous! Love this outfit! (:

  39. You looks gorgeous in any style!
    Have a lovely day dear!
    Love ♥

  40. such gorgeous photos and location! love your top too! :)

    Metallic Paws

  41. wow perfection! love your top so much <3


  42. nice outfit:)


  43. You look so classy!
    Victoria | GlamFizz
    or follow on Instagram

  44. Love this look, even more that you made them yourself! Now that's impressive!

    Have a lovely day!



  45. what a beautiful dress..


  46. nice outfit..


  47. This is gorgeous!



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